The Empty Wallet Romantic Evening

Yeah, it’s almost that time of year again…Valentine’s Day. The day of love, or shouldn’t we call it “Chick’s Day?” That’s what it really is, isn’t it?

A day to make chicks feel like they’re the most important thing in your life. Whether it’s flowers, cards, stuffed creatures, chocolates or jewelry…they really cash in.

Honestly, I’ve never met a guy who really gives a flying fuck about Valentine’s Day. It’s usually more of a stressful, stupid holiday that they better not screw up, or they’re not getting laid.

But all those lavish gifts can really be a drain on your wallet, so what are you to do? Get creative boys.

Valentine’s Day Guide 4 Men

#1 Valentine’s Day Card

Make it. Grab a sheet of printer paper, fold it in half so that it resembles a card. Draw something on there (like a big heart) and color it in, write “Happy Valentine’s Day” on the front. Inside, just write about how much she means to you and how your life just wouldn’t be right without her.

See, it’s simple. It takes probably about 20 minutes tops, but she’s going to see that you put some effort into it. This will score you brownie points.

Anybody can grab a random Valentine’s Day card off the shelf and scribble some shit in it.

*My favorite part about Valentine’s Day is the card. I love reading how fucking awesome and irreplaceable I am. What girl wouldn’t?

#2 Romantic Dinner In

There are a couple of benefits to staying in for dinner, by staying in, I mean you’re making dinner. Whether you order in, pop something simple in the oven or really cook something, it doesn’t really matter. Obviously, make sure it’s something she likes or you’re going to look like an asshole.

Don’t forget to light a couple of candles, it’s the easiest way to stake a romantic claim to dinner.

Benefits of Staying In

  • Everybody is going to be out, so you get to avoid the crowds
  • No reservations needed
  • Saves money
  • Privacy and close proximity to the bedroom

#3 Massage

Not all chicks like massages, but overall your odds are pretty good. Grab some Massage Oil or even some of her body lotion will do. Have her relax on the bed and put on some calm, relaxing music to set the mood. You might even want to light a few candles for ambiance. Then just take your time and massage her entire body.


  • If you opt for lotion, make sure to avoid getting it too close to places you plan to be licking or kissing later on.
  • Don’t start grinding up on her too much near the beginning of the massage. The whole point is to help her relax and feel sexy, not like a dirty whore—save that for later. ;)

#4 The Sex

If you’ve done all the other stuff and this chick is even partially into you, she’s probably going to put out. So what you want to do now, is to blow her fucking mind and make her scream like a banshee.

You’re still going to get some, so settle down. You want to focus on giving her as much sexual pleasure as possible and not just your cock for once. I know, how dare I.

Hopefully by now, you know what she likes (aside from sex) and how she likes it. If not, you’ll just have to wing it. There are books out there to help you if you’re completely clueless or just want that added advantage to your already pimp techniques.

There’s She Comes First, which is really popular. Also, Tim Ferriss has a section with a very interesting technique in the The 4-Hour Body.

If you do go out and buy a book, do it before Valentine’s Day so that you have time to read and understand it.

Most Popular Build-up

  • Slow Romantic Kisses
  • Full on making out
  • Wandering hands
  • Exploring fingers
  • You going down to pussy town

Then of course keep going until you are 100% sure she is having a “real” orgasm—DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING! Keep everything the same until she’s finished.

Then get her right to the point again, and then you can finally get in there. Bam.

What are you planning for Valentine’s Day?


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The Empty Wallet Romantic Evening — 2 Comments

  1. I just discovered this post from the Freeat33 Retirement Carnival. What a great and playful post. It makes me kind of want to go back and celebrate Valentine’s Day all over again.

    • You can really use this for any occasion. Your chick’s bday, anniversary, romantic evening and so on.

      Some chicks just need a little bit of romance & some guys just need a little ass. ;)